he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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