My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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