My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They took my balls.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
