she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
