was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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