I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
