Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
