some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
