would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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