she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
