Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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