i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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