so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
