Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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