he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
