Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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