Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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