Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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