Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My life is pants optional.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
