Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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