I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
