How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
