I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
