Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
