Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
