Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
