Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
