he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Be still, my beating vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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