I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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