I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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