Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
