It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
