Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
