Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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