whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
