i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
