I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
is that a dick in a sweater?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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