the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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