Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
