Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
