He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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