God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
