You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
