....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
