my vag is so smooth its legendary
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
