Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
