Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
