He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
jump out the window naked night went bad
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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