Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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