where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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