Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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