worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
