How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
