did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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