Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
