one two three fourrrrnication!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
