The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
