weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
