i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
