my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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