thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
