Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
