So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
